


Ribs

by MythologicalHoe



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Camping, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Forests, Inspired by Music, Sharing a Bed, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-06-14 06:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15383226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MythologicalHoe/pseuds/MythologicalHoe
Summary: Inspired by Ribs By LordeBen Solo became a forest ranger for the main reason that he didn’t have to talk to people outside of like, three other rangers. It was practically bliss for him. Being away from a large amount of people, being away from society meant that his anger issues were under control, that it was easier to manage his depression that he had conveniently lied about when got this job. Plus nature was one of the few things that he could truly appreciate anymore.Ben walked along one of the long paths in the resort that just so happened to be in his district, making sure that no one was popping off fireworks or being a dumbass or anything like that. The sun glided down through the leaves, making patterns on the path in front of him. It was one of nature’s wonders that he absolutely loved.Some people might’ve thought it strange that Ben never really interacted with anyone, his mother certainly thought that it was weird, but he liked it this way. Especially after everything that had happened. It had been years ago since Rey, and he was grown up, but he still thought of her sometimes.Everything that had happened still broke his heart.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "We'll laugh until our ribs get tough,  
> But that will never be enough..."

Rey loved the forests of Oregon, remembering the times when she would go across the Lost Lake in a canoe with her grandfather when he was still alive. She loved being alone in the wilderness during the summers, not having to deal with society and everything that being a famed novelist had to offer. 

She rented a cabin in the Lost Lake Resort, setting up everything that she brought in her car very quickly. She mostly settled on food, but also had a variety of books, and a few journals that she would use to work on her next book. The cabins were just as beautiful as the rest of the forest there, this one had a nook that looked like the perfect place to read when it was raining. 

Rey set some candles down and lit them, letting the smell of clean linens take over the cabin. She decided that she’d really get to work tomorrow, as the sun rose. She was an early riser, and that was when her best writing tended to happen as well. She pulled out an old blanket that she had had since she was a teenager, setting it up for later. 

The cabin had a gas stove unit, so she was able to make a grilled cheese and some tomato soup, relishing every bite of it after the long day she had. After dinner, she curled up with  _ Madame Bovary,  _ a book that she had read many times, with dog ears and coffee stains and a book spine that was cracked well beyond belief. She blew threw a good portion of it before blowing the candles out that night and going to sleep. 

* * *

 

_ Camp 2010 _

 

The first day of camp, Rey wanted to hide. Which was unlike her, considering how talkative she usually was, but that was around people she knew. She wanted to be around people she knew like Finn or Rose, she didn’t want to go to this camp for people who had lost their parents and she didn’t want to be around other kids who would be crying or whining, saying woe is me. She didn’t want to be privy to a pity fest by adults. She just wanted to be home with her grandfather, but he told her that this was best for her and there wasn’t anything else that she could do about it. 

“There’s not going to be anyone there that’s interested in the stuff that I’m interested in.” She had told him matter-of-factly. He just shook his head and told her that she needed to give more people a chance. There might be people there that she would learn to become friends with. 

In the end, she promised him that she would try. She immediately decided once she hit campgrounds that she would do the best she could to become invisible. She would only relish the surroundings around her, and not interact with people unless she was absolutely forced to. So, when everyone was running around and one of the camp counselors was trying to round everyone up, Rey took out her journal and stole away to a big and wide maple, she sat under it, trying to make sure that no one saw her as she wrote. 

That tree is where she met Ben Solo, the first boy that she ever loved. 

* * *

  
  


Ben Solo became a forest ranger for the main reason that he didn’t have to talk to people outside of like, three other rangers. It was practically bliss for him. Being away from a large amount of people, being away from society meant that his anger issues were under control, that it was easier to manage his depression that he had conveniently lied about when got this job. Plus nature was one of the few things that he could truly appreciate anymore. 

Ben walked along one of the long paths in the resort that just so happened to be in his district, making sure that no one was popping off fireworks or being a dumbass or anything like that. The sun glided down through the leaves, making patterns on the path in front of him. It was one of nature’s wonders that he absolutely loved. 

He took in a deep breath of fresh air, listening to the birds chirp around him. It seemed that they had a lot to say, and they wanted him to listen. So he did, he listened to their song and their story and walked like he normally did. Charting his path and making sure he didn’t take any route that was too dangerous. He generally stayed away from most cabin campers, most of them were entitled anyway. 

He only helped when there was some sort of animal that they called a pest on their cooler or a snake that got into their cabin.  Never anything else. 

Some people might’ve thought it strange that Ben never really interacted with anyone, his mother certainly thought that it was weird, but he liked it this way. Especially after everything that had happened. It had been years ago since Rey, and he was grown up, but he still thought of her sometimes. 

Everything that had happened still broke his heart. 

 

* * *

 

_ Camp 2010 _

 

__ He was staring at a ladybug that was slowly climbing the bark of the tree when she saw him. He was a very strange boy, lanky and tall with raven hair, and deep dark eyes that looked way too old for how old he was. He wasn’t paying any attention to the fact that there was a ladybug there. When the ladybug flew away, he seemed to turn his attention to her. “Who are you?” Was the first thing he asked. The way he said that was kind of rude, but Rey was pretty sure that it wasn’t intentional. 

“Rey,” She said. 

“You know, you should have gone to your cabin right now.” 

“Well why aren’t you in your cabin?” She asked. He was silent for a minute before looking back up the tree. 

“Because the guys in my cabin are assholes,” He said. “And besides, I don’t like talking to people.” Rey nodded, she could relate to that. 

“I don’t like talking to people all that much either.” Ben must’ve taken that as an invitation to sit down, even though it so clearly wasn’t. She didn’t mind it though, he didn’t smell bad, like the boys on the bus did, so she decided that she would let him stay. 

They were both silent for a moment before he said, “My name is Ben, by the way.” 

“Nice to meet you, Ben.” 

“Are you British?” 

“Yes,” She said. “Yes I am.” 

 

* * *

 

Rey got in a good three hours of writing that morning before she went and took a walk down a very familiar path that she had been down before with her grandfather before he passed. Revisiting it and taking pictures provided her with a warm sense of nostalgia in her stomach, one that she hadn’t felt in a while. Now was possibly the only time where she was able to revisit something her and her grandfather did together without feeling sad. 

She stared up at the beautiful pine furs that surrounded her, and bit her lip when a chill breeze drifted it’s way through the woods. If she could just live here for the rest of her life and never have to go back, she would. 

This place was the type of place that fairies would live, dancing throughout the trees and tricking humans. The type of place where creatures would lurk and make the forest look alive and magical. 

Rey made her way out to the water, where it was so clear that you could see the perfect reflections of the trees and the mountain out on the water. She would remember to rent a canoe later, now she just sat by the side of the lake and marvelled in it’s beauty, painting scenes in her head of what could go down in her next book. 

She did this for several hours before she heard the sound of other resort goers, and decided to leave. She didn’t really want to deal with anybody right now, she kept her ideas to herself and made her way back to her cabin. Rey didn’t really expect for the day to be that much more eventful than that. She didn’t expect to see a black bear trying to get in her car. 

Something in her frose. She had never seen an actual bear this close in real life, of course it would be now that one would try and bother her. She kept quiet, praying to god that the bear wouldn’t notice her. Maybe she could dart to her cabin and just wait there until the bear left. There wasn’t another cabin for miles, and there wasn’t anyway she could call for help. 

Maybe it was out of pure luck—maybe it was destiny—to have a park ranger come by at that moment. She wasn’t really sure what happened. She just saw a man in a uniform step out from the path, look at the bear, and almost comically start talking to it. “Listen, man. You can’t keep doing this. Humans aren’t going to give you food. Go.”  

It took a few seconds of finessing, but the bear finally left. The man watched until it left his line of sight, and turned back to her. “Sorry,” The man said. “Usually bears don’t roam out towards the campers, but I picked up some tracks headed towards your camp and wanted to make sure you were okay.” There was something familiar about the way that he looked. Rey couldn’t quite put her finger on it. 

“Thank you,” She said. “That was real heroic.” Maybe she was going insane, but the man   in front of her was so familiar that she was sure that she knew him. She looked at his uniform, there was conveniently a name tag there for her to see. “Mr. Solo.” As soon as those words left her mouth, she felt like she was going to stop functioning. 

* * *

 

_ End of Camp, 2010 _

 

“Why is your last name Solo?” Rey asked. 

“Because that’s my dad’s name, silly.” Rey almost laughed. The two of them were kicking their feet in lake water, ignoring the rest of the campers. 

“Yeah, I know that. But why is his last name Solo? No one has that last name, so why did he choose that name?” Ben was quiet for a second. It must’ve been something that he hadn’t thought of before.

“I don’t know. My dad never knew his parents. Grew up in an orphanage. Maybe it was a sick sense of humor that made him change his last name to Solo. Some sort of dad joke years in the making.” Rey nodded. “Maybe it was because he knew he was a piece of shit that didn’t deserve anyone. Who didn’t deserve my mom. Maybe he passed that onto me.” 

“What are you talking about?” Rey asked. 

“I don’t deserve you,” Ben said. “And you’re going to leave soon.” That twinge of guilt hit Rey’s heart. Ben was right. She would leave soon. “And I just—damn it, I just wish camp wouldn’t end.”

“We can write to each other,” Rey reassured him. “We can email and skype and once I can get a phone I can call you everyday.” She grabbed his hand, trying to give him a comforting smile, but she understood why he was sad. She was too. 

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

* * *

 

“Ben?” The name slipped out of her mouth. It was a name she hadn’t thought about in years. “Ben Solo,” That fit so well for the man in front of her. He was tall with the same old eyes in a body that was too young and the same long, raven black hair. He blinked for a second, his eyes becoming clearer as he focused on the person in front of him. 

“Rey?” 


	2. Why didn't you write back?

Rey stood there, very much uncomfortable. She wasn’t sure what to say. What do you say to an ex that you lost contact with a long time ago? “Hey,” She managed. 

“Hey,” She was glad that she wasn’t the only one that was awkward. She looked Ben up and down, he was significantly taller. And larger in general. It suited him. She bit her lip, trying to think of what else to say. 

“So uh, what are you doing here?” That was such a stupid question. He gestured to his outfit. 

“Job,” He said. “You?” 

“Yeah, uh. Summer getaway.” She shrugged. 

“Oh,” Things were going downhill. She hoped that for the love her sanity, he would leave and that would be the last awkward encounter that the two of them would have. “So, are you here with anybody?” She knew what that was code for.  _ Are you here with a boyfriend? Do you have a boyfriend?  _

“No,” She said. “I like it better that way anyway.”

“Yeah, me too.” He reddened just a bit after he said that, and the two of them went quiet. 

“Do you want to come inside?” Rey asked. “I have water and some snacks if you want one before you go back out.”

“That's really nice but I’m okay.” More silence.  “Well, I gotta go. Back to my route.” 

“Right. Bye.” 

“Bye. Nice seeing you I guess.” 

“You too.” 

* * *

 

_ Camp, 2010 _

Rey and Ben stuck together like glue after they met, he was in the boys cabin right across the path from her and she snuck out to see him. The two of them snuck down a small pathway right behind the cabins that no one else went down. 

Today was the day that she would try and hold Ben’s hand. She was so nervous about it, but she couldn’t wait. She was holding the lantern that they used when they walked around. Ben was walking right next to her, and their hands kept brushing up together. 

Finally, Rey had the courage to interlock her hands in Ben’s and his ears reddened. He didn’t let go though, he only held on to her tighter. She liked holding his hand. 

It felt right. 

* * *

 

The next time Ben ran into Rey, it was an accident. It was three weeks later and Rey decided to take a dip in the lake, which he didn’t get, because it was extremely fucking cold, but that didn’t seem to bother her in the slightest bit. He was glad that she didn’t see him though, she might think that he’d been stalking her. And he wasn’t. He really wasn’t. He had been trying his goddamned best to try and stay as far away from her as possible, but his route was extremely close to where her cabin was, and there wasn’t much else he could do about that. 

After that, he saw her again. This time they met on the same trail, but not by design. Ben had just gotten a snake off the trail and back into the wild. She stopped when she saw him though, looking at him like he was some sort of alien. “Hey,” 

“Are you following me or are we randomly running into each other?” 

“I’ve been trying to avoid you,” He sighed. 

“Well you’re doing a really shitty  job of it.” 

“I know,” He said. “What are you doing out here?” There was so much that he wanted to know, a lot of it he wasn’t sure that he would be able to ask her without getting a very negative reaction. 

“Walking.” She replied. 

“Right,” 

“You?” 

“Just clearing a snake off the path,” He told her. She grimaced. If there was one thing Rey hated more than anything else it was snakes and mosquitoes. “It’s gone now.” She relaxed just a little after he said that. 

“Cool.” 

“Where are you headed?”

“I don’t really know,” She admitted. “I just needed to clear my head, writer's block.” He nodded, not sure what the next best move would be. 

“There’s a nice place a little up the trail that’s good for doing that. There’s a gazebo and a place for bird watching.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah,” 

“Could you show me or—?”

“I should probably get back to my path,” 

“Right.” She looked a little bit disappointed by that. 

“But it’s not that far off, so I’ll show you.” 

“Thank you.” 

The two of them started heading down the path, Rey kicking up dirt a little as the two of them went along. “So, you’re here writing?” 

“Yeah,” He nodded and the two of them walked up a bit of a steeper incline. She sounded like she was holding something back, but Ben wasn’t really sure what. “Being out in the wilderness just helps, getting away from everything.” 

* * *

 

_ Camp, 2010 _

 

Rey had held his hand, Ben wasn’t really sure how to react to that, but he remembered at school someone had said that when a girl held your hand, she liked you. Ben’s heart was beating fast. He liked her a lot. Rey was the cutest girl in camp, the cutest girl that he’d seen, even. He didn’t know why she would like him, he wasn’t good looking like her. He was too tall to save his life, clumsy, and his ears and nose were too big. He hated it. 

Rey and Ben were sitting out by the docks. Everyone else had left and were eating lunch, but they stayed together. Alone. Rey rested her head on Ben's shoulder. “I like you.” She told him.  “A lot.”

“You do?”

“I do,” She said. “I have for a bit.” She closed her eyes and tried to get as close to Ben as possible. Ben was going to have a heart attack. “And I’ve been scared to tell you, but I wanted you to know. You deserve to know.” 

Ben — of course being Ben — said the dumbest thing possible. “Uh, thank you.” His ears turned bright red.  “I mean—I like you too. I like you too. Fuck.” Rey giggled a little. 

“Good.” She said. 

* * *

 

Rey reached the gazebo, Ben next to her. It was pretty and everything felt so serene. It was a good place to write, and to clear her head. She turned around to Ben when the two of them got under the gazebo. “Thank you,” She said. “You really didn’t have to do this.” 

“No problem,” He looked down at the ground, probably not sure how to leave. “Uhm, can I ask you a question?” Rey knew whatever was about to come out of his mouth next, she wasn’t going to like. She let him ask it anyways. “I wrote to you, why did you never write me back?” She cringed inside. 

“Go away,” She said. 

“Right.” He turned. “Bye, then.” 

“Bye.” 


	3. weird mushrooms and birds

_ Camp 2010 _

 

Ben Solo was a weird kid, and he knew it too. He was bad at socialising with people, which resulted in a lack of friends that he had suffered with for his entire life. And then Rey came along, she was pretty and looked like she would be a popular girl back home but here she was something else, they were both dealing with a death of a loved one, and that did shit to people. That did shit to her, she was sad and she wasn’t afraid to show that. 

All of the camp counselors had tried to make her talk to other kids, to make her participate in things. She would never do anything. “You can’t make me do anything that I don’t want to do,” She said. “And I don’t want to pretend that canoeing in a lake full of fucking mosquitoes will make me feel better about what happened to my parents.” She’d gotten in trouble that day, they yelled at her about respect and she cried, but Ben knew that it wasn’t because she cared about what the counselors thought about, the reason she cried was because the people yelling at her weren’t her mom and dad. 

“You get in trouble a lot,” Ben said when she got out of the counselor’s office a third time the second week that they were at camp. He was still awkward and he didn’t really know if Rey even wanted him to be around her, she was so much cooler than him. 

“Does it really matter when it’s not your parents or your grandpa yelling at you?” Ben guessed that maybe it wasn’t, unless the police got involved. 

“You don’t even if you don’t like doing the things they want us to do,” They walked down from the porch and out by that same tree that the two of them first met by. “You haven’t even tried any of it.” He sat down next to her, neither of them looking at each other. “I mean, I think that wood carving was kind of fun. And they have painting here, and I saw your sketchbooks—” 

“You looked in my sketchbooks?” Ben got really nervous all of the sudden. He didn’t know if Rey was about to get mad at him. And he really didn’t want her to be mad at him. 

“You were drawing ravens, I like ravens.” 

“I like ravens too,” It was the first time that he had really seen her smile. It was the warm thing that wasn’t goofy or weird, but the sort of smile a person smiled when they had their favorite food that reminded them of home, or when they were wearing the sweater of a loved one. It was beautiful. “You’re really talented.” Ben knew then and there that he loved this girl, he knew that he had a problem with trusting people way too easily, and that he misread a lot of situations, but he really liked her. He’d never liked something this much. It was new and it felt weird. 

“You know, your ears turn pink when you blush.” Rey said. “I noticed that the day I met you, and the fact that you don’t like your ears because you think they’re too big. But I like them, I think they’re cute.” He didn’t know how to respond to that. Every girl he had ever met had called him ugly, called him other things that he tried to forget about, but not her. “You’re a piece of art, Ben Solo. And I now think that maybe I can call you my friend too.” 

* * *

 

He really shouldn’t be here. Rey thought to herself, but he was here. He was here and he wasn’t going away because goddammit, he worked here. Rey wanted to know why he had to work here out of all the places he could have worked. He wondered why they kept running into each other. She didn’t want him to be there, and yet he was, and something about that bugged the everloving shit out of her. 

She couldn’t write, she couldn’t sleep, she was stuck thinking about him like she used to when she was a kid. There was no getting over Ben Solo, even though she really didn’t want to like him in the first place. Rey got up and opened her suitcase. There sat an old sketchbook that she had never touched. One that Ben had made for her out of cardboard and hot glue and leather, it was bound together and she was afraid that if she opened it, all of the pages would fall out because of how fragile it was. 

She opened it today, and she grabbed one of the charcoal pencils that she always packed in a little bag when she went on these trips. And she started drawing. She drew Ben’s favorite bird. 

* * *

 

Ben couldn’t sleep. He wasn’t over Rey, but then again, that really wasn’t new. He stayed there in his bed, listening to the sounds of cicadas chirped. He supposed that in the morning he would have to go down another trail, hopefully try to avoid Rey as much as he could. He doubted that he would be able to though. There was something that kept bringing them together. Maybe because she was staying in a cabin that Ben was in charge of overseeing, maybe it was the universe sending Ben a big middle finger. 

He didn’t know. 

He would have to find out. 

* * *

  
  


Rey knew that there was no point in trying to avoid him. The longer and harder she tried, the more he would pop up. So she sat on her porch, looking out at the sky. She just sat there, and she waited for him to come. 

* * *

 

_ Camp 2010  _

 

“You think I’m a piece of art,” Ben repeated. 

“I know you are.” She said. “You’re that and so much more.” Ben didn’t know what she meant when she said that, but he decided not to make her explain. His mother told him that people didn’t like it when you made them explain what they said to you. So he wouldn’t do that to her. “Do you wanna ditch?” She asked. 

“Ditch what?” 

“This,” She gestured around the camp.

“Where would we go?” She smiled, this time it was different again. Ben didn’t know how there could be that many different smiles. She pulled him away, and they went deeper into the woods than they should have gone. 

“Those are hallucinogenic mushrooms,” Rey pointed at them. 

“How do you know that?” 

“The older kids at camp came out here and ate some last night,” She said. “They were talking about the universe and life after death and all that kind of stuff. It was really weird.” 

“And you like watching people?” 

“Yeah,” She said. “I do. It makes good writing material.” 

“How come you’ve never showed me your writing?” 

Something about her expression turned really sad. “The only person I ever showed my writing was my mom. She’s dead now.” 

“Oh,” 

“But that’s not the point,” Rey rolled up the sleeves of her t-shirt, and grabbed one. 

“You’re not going to eat one, are you?” 

“Yes, I am.” 

“No, you’re not.” Ben moved forward to grab it out of her hand, but Rey was quick. “That’s really really bad for you. You could throw up. Or have a heart attack.” He soon realized that eating one of those hallucinogenic mushrooms wasn’t Rey’s plan at all. He pinned her to a tree and she dropped it. But she was smiling. She wanted this to happen. 

“Glad you cared.” Her eyes traveled down to his lips and back up to meet his. He laughed and let her go. 

“You're weird.”

“And so are you,” She said. “Now come on,”

“Where are we going?”

“I don't know.”

* * *

 

Ben had to walk past her cabin. He had to. She was out on the porch. “Hey,” She actually looked a little relieved to see him. Progress. 

“Hey,” He smiled at her and stopped a few feet away from her porch. “Any bears giving you shit?” 

“No,” She laughed. “Thanks to you.”

“Good. That's good.” They were silent for a moment before he asked her the question that had been bugging him for a while. “Where did you go, Rey?”

“I don't know,” She said. 

“Yes you do.” He replied. “You're not telling me.”

“Isn't the mystery part of the fun?” She was holding a piece of paper in her hand. “Maybe I want to keep you guessing.” She came down off the porch and handed the paper to him. A drawing of a raven. “Maybe it's better for the both of us that way.” 


	4. Rey Was Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a short update. Senior year starts tomorrow.

_ Camp 2010 _

 

__ Rey was fire, she was something else, and Ben was the one that couldn’t help and sit back and watch her go. One of the boys beat Ben at tug of war, and Ben had fallen straight on his butt, he felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. Rey ran to his side and picked him up, “Are you okay?” She asked. He nodded but that didn’t seem to be enough for her. 

She called one of the camp counselors over to make sure that he didn’t hit his head too hard and get a concussion. Ben watched Rey do some sport that the camp had tried to make her do. She challenged the redheaded boy to a rematch on Ben’s behalf, Ben wasn’t sure he had ever seen a girl as strong as her. 

She sent him into the dirt, and then dusted her hands off on her pants when she was done. “Wow,” The counselor said. “I never thought that kid would actually want to do anything.” He looked down at Ben. “She must really like you.” He was in denial about it at the time. Little did he know what he had coming for him. 

* * *

 

_ 2011 _

At the end of the year, Rey was not celebrating Christmas. She was taking a trash bag full of her things out of her house and going to a car that she knew would change her life forever. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want any of this. She looked down at the letter that she had written Ben, she had been so struck by fear of saying the wrong thing that she had taken forever to write it. 

Now she wasn’t so sure that she was going to get to send it. She had no stamps and the social worker looked scary. She doubted that he would let her send it. She didn’t ask. She just held tight onto everything that she wanted to tell Ben and got in the car. She didn’t say something and she didn’t ask where she was headed, because she knew it wouldn’t matter in the end. She just had to try and get through this. 

Get through it as best as she could. 

* * *

 

_ 2015 _

 

By the time Rey was seventeen, she was already a recognised name in Hollywood. By the time Rey was seventeen, she could say that she had been taken advantage of by three different men at least twice her age. She remembered each time vividly and she never talked about it. She pretended like the guardian who got her into all this mess was an angel for marketing her to as many people as possible, she wrote her pain into screenplays and books but never spoke her truth. She could never speak her truth. 

It was too embarrassing. 

 

* * *

 

_ Now  _

 

“I think I’m cursed,” She was talking to herself as she looked out at the lake, but she knew Ben would be walking up behind her soon. “Everything I do is just another shitty decision.” 

“Really?” He said. “Why’s that?” Rey tried her best to smile as he sat down beside her. She knew opening up to him would be bad. It would just drive him out of her life once again, and she would really have no one. 

Again. 

“A lot of shit has happened, Ben.” When the sun shifted through the trees,  Ben looked golden, and Rey held her breath, trying to remember the last time she actually enjoyed herself. When she was in Ben’s arms. Part of her wanted to cry, to admit she was lost and didn’t know what to do. 

But that part was overwhelmed by embarrassment. “Why don’t you tell me what happened, Rey?” He asked. “You know that I would understand.”

“You wouldn’t.” She picked at a thread on her plaid shirt, trying to think of a reason to change the conversation. She wasn’t sure she really had a choice this time.

“How would you know that if you've not told me?”

“Because you don’t know what happened. Let’s keep it that way. Stay here, and pretend that the outside world doesn’t exist, because I got here to get away and write my next book, not to rehash past shit.”

“Do you want me to leave?” He asked. 

“Yes,” She said. It might have sounded rude, but she knew that she was going to run into him again. Ben grimaced and got up from where he was sitting. 

“You know, I never stopped having feelings for you.” She glanced up at him, but didn’t meet his eyes. “You did everything you could to understand me but you won’t give me the benefit of the doubt—”

“ — Ben, drop it.” He shut his mouth, muttering something under his breath before leaving. Rey felt like a bitch, but there was nothing she could really do. 

She was cursed to be like this forever. Not even Ben Solo could save her from that. 


	5. regret

 

_The forest was alive with elves and sprites and creatures that only gifted could see. It was shrouded in mist that shifted throughout the land and found lost souls, that is where our journey begins._

Rey missed her typewriter. She thought that maybe if she had that instead of her laptop, things would be going faster, it would be a lot faster that way. Rey wished that she could go, but she paid for the whole summer in this cabin and she intended to use all of her money's worth. Rey wrote on the front porch of the cabin.

Ben walked up to her. "What are you doing?" She asked. It had been a week or two since they talked the last time, and Rey had hoped that that was the end of it. She really didn't want to deal with this again. Not now.

_Within the forest, a lost soul entered, without a name or a cause or parents. She came here as a last resort, so she could join the trees and the fairies after she tied a rope necklace around her neck._

"I just came to check in on you," He said. That was a lie. Ben was bad at lying, he always had been. "Make sure that no more bears were trying to scare the shit out of you."

"Very funny," she said.

"Yeah, I know. I'm hilarious." He sat down next to her. "You writing?" She scooted a little bit out of the way, positioning her computer differently.

"Yeah," She said.

"What're you writing about?"

_The girl had no food, nowhere to go, her humanity had been stripped away from her in more ways than one. She wanted it to end. Then, her life could begin._

"None of your business."

"Okay," He raised his hands up in mock surrender.

_'What are you doing?' The girl was startled. She didn't know who was speaking to her at first, and that's when she saw him. A man with a crown made of thorns and branches, 'Get down from there.' His ears were pointed, his eyes a deep silver color._

"Why are you here?" She asked again. She wanted to hear the truth this time.

"I just remembered something," He said, "and I needed to come see you." That made Rey shiver, she shut her computer.

"What did you remember?"

"It's stupid," He shook his head, "but when we were at camp, you told me that you didn't think anyone could ever really love you because of how screwed up you are. And I said that I didn't think anyone could ever love me either."

"And then I kissed you," Rey said.

"Yeah," He told her. "You did. And we proved each other wrong. Because you told me what was making you sad and I helped you. And I loved you. And you did the same for me. So whatever it is, if you tell me, even though I might not understand, I want to try and help you. I want to help you and I want you to be happy,"

"That's sweet," Rey said. "It really is. But you can't fix whats broken."

"Try me."

"Fuck off."

"Tell me one thing that happened." He said. "Just one, please." Rey rolled her eyes. There was no way she could deny that face.

"My grandpa died." She hadn't said that out loud. Ever.

He blinked. "Oh my god." He said.

"Don't say sorry for your loss, that's annoying as hell."

"Okay," He nodded. "I get that."

"I miss him," Ben got closer again. This time Rey didn't back away from him. "I miss him a lot." It felt good to finally say that, even though she hadn't wanted to for the longest time.

"I get that," Ben told her. "And there's nothing wrong with admitting it either."

Rey nodded. She didn't want to talk anymore. She did something else instead. Something far more regrettable.

She kissed him, again, leaving her computer to the side. This time he kissed her back, and it was rough. Rey knew that she really should not be doing this. She hadn't done this in a while though, "Are you sure you wanna do this?" Ben asked her. She nodded and Ben grabbed her computer. He brought inside and put it on the table before Rey went at him again.

She unbuckled his pants and he worked at hers, their shirts were off next, and she tangled her hands in his hair as she kissed him. They were up against the sofa as they rocked against each other.

It felt so good, Rey started to forget why she was supposed to keep herself away from him until the both of them were near finishing, he pulled out just as Rey climaxed, he finished a minute after. Rey sat there for a minute, feeling guilty as all hell. Ben was the type of person that wouldn't let that down; even if he really tried. He cared too much to leave after a one night stand sort of thing. Rey stared at him, at how good he looked, and she knew that she wanted him, she wanted him more than anything.

  
But she really wasn't in the right state of mind to be with someone without dragging them down. Getting with Ben would be beyond selfish. Hell doing this was selfish. "That was great," He said. Rey didn't say anything, just watched him buckle up his pants. "You're so beautiful." She felt nauseous.

Too many damned bad memories were coming up again. She shouldn't have done this. "Rey?"

"Get out," She muttered.

"What?"

"Get out!" She shouted. "Get the fuck out of here now!" She could see the hurt in his eyes. Could see that he was pleading with her, please, please don't do this. She was starting to break, she couldn't have him see that. She got up and chased him out of her cabin, throwing his shoes out with him, locking the door before he could come back.

She needed to break some shit.


	6. better now

Ben hadn't seen Rey in weeks and he was starting to worry about her more than anything. Finally he went over there and knocked on her cabin door. "Rey," He called out. She didn't answer, he could hear her clicking away at the keyboard of her computer. At least she was writing, he knew that she was at least alive. He clutched the bag of snacks he had brought from his cabin. "I have chocolate." The typing stopped. He could hear Rey make her way to the door. "I'll give it to you if you open the door and let me know you're okay. We don't even have to talk." She opened the door slightly.

She looked good, but tired. That's when he saw the scars on her wrist for the first time. He put his foot in the door. "Go away," She said. He forced himself in. He was done waiting for her to explain what happened.

"No," He said. "We're going to talk."

* * *

  
Rey wished that he would just go away, but she knew that that was not going to happen, no matter how hard she tried to get that to happen. Ben just so happened to be one of those people that really cared. Rey ignored his questions for the time being, but then he said something she couldn't ignore. "I understand-"

"No, you really don't."

"Then make me understand, Rey. Make me understand." He was practically begging her to talk at this point, and Rey was so tired. So tired. "Please, Rey."

"I think everything went to shit after camp," She said. Ben got really quiet. "First my grandpa died, and then I went into foster care. I went from home to home and then I met the man that gave me my career." She said. "Somewhere along the way, this happened. I don't know what else you want me to tell you, Ben. I'm broken, that's just how it is."

There were things that she couldn't tell him.

Even though part of her was screaming enough is enough. "I'm sorry that happened." She was relieved that he didn't push her any harder than he had before. She was too tired for that. "But that doesn't excuse you pushing me away like that." She stared at him. It would be so much easier for him if he didn't care. "Can we just agree that having someone around to talk to is better?"

She told him the same thing once. "Yeah, well talking about problems isn't really my thing."

"Rey,"

"Fine." She said. "Having someone to talk to is better. I won't push you away."

"Thank you." He said. He wasn't leaving. "Do you remember that time that we danced together on the docks?"

"And we slipped and fell in the lake." Rey almost smiled.

"We should do that again sometime. Dance together, I mean."

"You want to dance together?" Rey asked.

"Yeah, I think it'd be fun."

Surprisingly, she agreed. "Okay." She said. "Do you want to do it now?"

"If you want,"

Rey moved the table out of the way and went to her computer, going to her music folder. "What're you going to play?"

"Aurora,"

"Not familiar."

"You'll like her don't worrry." She put on a song that reminded her of Ben, that reminded her of camp and she pulled him closer. She wanted him to hold her again. Wanted to just sway and forget everything.

_I've been looking for a conqueror._

She held him, and for awhile, she forgot about how hard she had tried to keep him out of her life. She could just be free, which was something she couldn't do before.

_But you don't seem to come my way._

"I have a lot of issues that I don't know how to resolve." She told him.

"That's okay," He said. "I do too,"

"I'm sorry for how I treated you. You've been nothing but nice to me."

_I've been looking for the only one, but you don't seem to come my way._

"Rey, you really don't need to beat yourself up about it. It's fine. I've pushed you a little more than I should have and I should've realized it." She held him tighter.

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to be in a real relationship," She told him.

"That's fine." He sighed. "As long as I have you in my life again,"

"You're too nice." Rey said. "I don't deserve it,"

"Of course you deserve it, you deserve everything good in life. I'm just sorry you haven't gotten that so far." If Rey could latch onto him for the rest of her life, she would. He looked at his watch when the song was done. "Sorry," He said. "I have to go."

"Oh," Rey pursed her lips as she let go of him.

"I'm sorry," He said again. "I swear I'll be back later and we can talk more but I have to do my route." Rey nodded.

"It's fine." She said. "It's fine."

"Okay," He told her. "I'll be back, please be okay."

"I am, seriously Ben. I'm fine. Go."

"Okay," He said. "I swear I'll be back in time for dinner."

She smiled. "Stop apologizing and go, I need to write anyways. I have inspiration."

He nodded, "Good. That's so good. You better let me read it later."

"When it's finished, maybe."

"I'm gonna hold you to that." He left, and Rey watched him, but this time she felt so much better.

 

She knew what she was going to do for her story now.

 


	7. the rain brings back love

Rey knew what she was going to write for once in her life, and this time it poured out of her in ways that it hadn’t in a while. She guessed that she had Ben Solo to thank for that. For the next three days, she didn’t really see him at all, she was just stuck writing more and more as words filled up her pages. She wasn’t even really sure if she slept at all. She guessed that it didn’t really matter. It wasn’t until the fourth day when Ben knocked on her door when she finally took a break from what she was writing and opened the door. “Hey,” She said. 

“Hey,” He looked down at her, “you okay? You look tired.” 

“Yeah,” She said, “I’ve been doing a lot of writing, but it’s good. I’m good.” Ben nodded and just stood there in his usual awkward fashion.

“I uh, yeah I don’t know what I’m doing here.” He told her. 

“I figured,” She told him, “you want to come in?” He nodded and followed her into the cabin. He stared at the half filled notebook and mess of coffee and other drinks that Rey had had. 

“You’ve been busy.” 

“Yeah,” She said. “I really have.” She felt better than she had in a while. Ben sat on the couch and Rey sat down next to him. “So how’s your day been?” She asked. 

“Boring,” He told her, “nothing’s going on.” Rey nodded and bit her lip, she wasn’t sure why, but there was something in her that was screaming that she should do something. She tried to ignore it for now. 

“You know,” Rey said, “I think that I’ve figured out most of my story. I’m about fifteen thousand words in. It’s gonna be great.” 

“That’s great.” 

“Yeah, when I finish it I’m uh, gonna go back to California.” He looked up at that. She knew that she was going to get a reaction from that, even though she didn’t want to. 

“I forgot about that.” He said. 

“Yeah.” 

“Do you really have to though?” 

Rey was silent for a minute. “What do you mean?” 

“Leave me again.” 

“Ben,” 

“What?” 

“That’s not fair,” 

“It’s completely fair.” Rey closed her eyes, not really wanting to hear it right now, she had been in such a good mood too.

“How?” Rey asked. “Really, tell me how it's fair to say that I left you when I fucking  _ loved you _ . Why are you so fucking insistent on me staying? Seriously, I'm doing you a favor by not sticking around. And even if shitty things didn't fuck up my mental health and my life; I couldn't just uproot my life and stay with you,  _ my life is in California.  _ I went through so much shit,  _ I WAS RAPED,  _ to get where I was. So don't you fucking tell me about I'm leaving you again, Ben Solo.”

“Rey—”

“Get out!” She yelled. “I don't want to see your face right now.”

* * *

 

_ You really are pathetic aren't you?  _ It was raining and Rey was pretty sure if she stayed out here long enough, she could die, that was fine though. Her novel was finished and there was really nothing else to do at this point.  She was so tired of everything and she didn't know when that was going to stop. 

Rey walked along a path near the river, the water war raging and roaring and maybe Rey should have felt threatened by that, but she didn’t. Something told her that if she ended it right now, no one would find her. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Part of her felt comforted, but another part of her felt a little bit unsettled. 

“Rey!” Someone yelled after her. “Rey!” Ben was barrelling down the wet path with a bag in his hand. Rey just stood there. She didn’t run away, she didn’t move. She was so tired. He caught up to her. “What the fuck are you doing out here?” 

“Leave me alone.” She said. 

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.” He said. “You need to go back inside, you’re going to catch a cold.” 

“Like you care,” 

“Rey, please. Come on. Get back inside. I know I was acting like a dumbass, my brain was just all over the place. And I didn’t mean to take it out on you, we can talk about this more inside, please.” Rey closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure what to do. She could hear Ben open up an umbrella and usher her back down the pathway. She opened her eyes. 

When they were inside her cabin, Ben immediately took off his shoes. “I’m going to go get some blankets, you stay right there. I’ll start a fire log too.” Rey still didn’t say anything. She sat down on the couch, feeling like she was going to pass out. Maybe she would. Maybe she would get pneumonia and die in the next instance. Ben came back with some blankets and a change of close and turned his back around. 

She changed and curled under the blanket, sniffling and zoning out once again. She only started listening to Ben again when he sat down next to her. “What the hell was that?” He asked her. “Why’d you do that?” 

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “Does everything really have to have an explanation?” She wanted to ask him why he was here. She wanted to ask him why he was still trying to make sure that she was okay when she most certainly was not okay.  He decided not to push it, most likely, and let her curl up in her blankets. 

“I’m sorry for screwing up things the other day.” 

“It’s fine.” 

“You’re important to me, you know that? You’re like really important to me.” 

She stayed silent for a minute. “You’re important to me.” She told him. “That’s why I didn’t tell you things because I didn’t want you to look at me in a different way. I wanted to keep you separate from everything else. The one happy story in my life that I could keep to myself and go back to when I had to do everything else.” 

“I understand that.” Ben said. 

“I need to go back after this week, and I think I’m going to be going to therapy.” 

“If you think that would help,” Ben told her, “you should go. And just know that I’ll miss you.” 

“I’ll miss you too.” She said. That’s when she did it again. She kissed him. 


	8. healing

 

Rey kissed Ben. She kissed Ben and he pushed her away for just a second. “Are you sure that you want to do this?”

“If I’m going,” She said, “at the end of the summer. I want to go knowing that I was with someone that I wanted to be with.” So they did, and for a second it was good. It was so good until the day that she had to leave, the day that she didn’t want to say goodbye to him, but she knew that she had to go back and resume life as normal. So she decided that she would cut their goodbye short. She took a little longer to pack and waited until he came by. He looked sad but she had to go.

Rey left him with a kiss and no promises. She was shit at promises, and Ben knew that.

* * *

  


Ben didn’t see Rey until two summers later, and in the whole time, she wrote only twice during the whole time. Once to tell him that she missed him and the next to tell him that she was going to therapy and was thinking about things and the way she reacted to things. He understood why she didn’t write all that much, but he still appreciated the fact that she wrote when she did. There were still these long periods of worry in which Ben would try and distract himself with cleaning up the resort and it wouldn’t work for very long before he would miss her again.

Sometimes he would replay that night in the rain and remember how scared shitless he was that Rey was going to try and kill herself. How he stayed there the whole time because he just wondered how someone who was so beautiful and talented couldn’t see the fact that she was a masterpiece. He wondered what would have happened if he hadn’t been so stupid and tried to push her. He wondered if they would be together now and if they would ever get together.

He was stupid for not getting over her. He walked around his usual path to see Rey’s car in the driveway. Something in him felt happier than he knew how to explain. Rey was on the porch drinking lemonade when she saw him. “I would get up and greet you but I was a dumbass and slipped and fell on my butt and now it’s kind of sore.”

Ben smiled, wrinkling his nose a little bit when he saw her. “Hey,” He said.

“Hey,” She smiled back at him. She looked so much happier than she had the first time he had seen her again. Like she had sorted more shit out. “I just got here like an hour ago.” He nodded and looked around.

“Any bears giving you any trouble?”

Rey laughed. “Ha, no.” She said. “Thank goodness. I almost shit my pants last time, but that’s okay. Come up here.” He did, sitting opposite of her. She poured him some lemonade without asking if he wanted any and he took a sip from the paper cup she set out for him. She set something else out beside him. It was a book. “This is what I was working on that summer.” She said. “You said that you wanted to read it.” There was a snowy forest design on the front and some sort of design that loosely resembled yin and yang. _Thorn and Shadow._

“Nice, wow. You’ve really been busy.”

“I have a movie coming out later this year, around Christmas time.” She said. “This is my off time.”

“Right,” He said. “And you came back here to see me.”

She nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t write to you as much as I should’ve. I got really busy with shooting and writing and therapy and—”

“Rey, it’s fine. You wrote when you could. It’s okay.” She nodded and the two of them were stuck in some sort of silence for a long time. But this wasn’t as uncomfortable as it had been between them before.

“I never got to apologise,” Rey told him, “For that day in the rain. I uh, you shouldn’t have had to see that.”

“You don’t have to say that, Rey.”

“Yeah, I do.” Rey kept smiling, albeit the smile was weaker than before. “I do. I shouldn’t have made you witness it, it was fucked up and I was really nervous for you to see that side of me.”

“I get that.” He took another sip of lemonade. “But I think that no matter what happens, no matter how fucked up life gets, you’re not a worse person because of it. And I don’t judge you for it. I’ve certainly felt that way before and I know that you saw me that way at camp a lot. It’s okay.” Rey wished she knew how Ben Solo was the way he was. How he was so sweet and so— him. Sure the man had his flaws, but so did Rey. Their flaws just fit in the right places.

“Yeah well therapy made me realise that I was more broken than I thought I was, and it took a while to mend that, and I’m still trying, but I don’t freak out as much as I used to. Some things still get me really stressed and reminds me of bad memories, but I’m getting better.”

“That’s great,” He put his hand on her knee and Rey felt her heart warming a little. She was realising just how much she missed him over the past two years. How much she had wanted to talk to him. “You’re such a strong person. And you’re not broken.”

“You’re too good,” She didn’t know what else to say.

“It’s just the truth.”

“You want to come inside with me?” She asked him. He accepted without a second thought. Rey hadn’t set up things in her cabin yet, so they sat on the couch in a barren room. Rey turned to face him better after kicking off her shoes. “I have a question to ask you,” She said.

Ben looked a little bit nervous. “Okay?”

“Will you come to California with me?” Ben blinked. “Like just as a sort of break thing, we could have a lot of fun together and to be honest I don’t have very many friends—more than friends—okay that was the other thing that I was going to ask you about. I want to know if you want to date—” He wasn’t sure if he heard that right at first, but he had an answer for her.

That answer was yes.


End file.
